Q & A: Holding a Grudge

February 12, 2014

Question:

I didn’t think I was one to really hold grudges but I guess I do and I hate that about myself. Any advice?

 

Answer:

Grudges are a natural human behavior, and it’s very admirable that you are able to recognize and decide to change that about yourself. When it comes to holding a grudge against someone, you have to become aware that this grudge is stemming from a fear and a doubt that you have.

Perhaps you are afraid of abandonment, perhaps you are afraid of being betrayed, hurt, or made a fool of. Perhaps you doubt that you can trust the person you are grudging. So you must be able to face these fears and accept them as a possibility in your life. You must realize that you will still have so many amazing blessings whether your fears materialize or not. Replace these fears and doubts with love and trust. Choose to love everyone in your life unconditionally, no matter what they do or say to you. God loves us unconditionally, so why shouldn’t we be able to love each other unconditionally? Trust God and the path He is taking you on. Know that all things that have happened to you are a blessing in your journey.

Grudges always stem from the ego. We feel that we need to hold a grudge against someone in order to make ourselves more valuable in his or her eyes. It’s a way of showing ourselves that we still are worthy after someone has made us feel unworthy. In order to stop holding a grudge, you have to learn to separate yourself from your ego. This means surrendering your will to God and allowing things to be as they are, and being at peace with everything that has happened, the way it happened. It also means that you must learn to feel your worth, despite what anyone may do or say to you. If someone does something offensive to you, you must understand that they simply do not know any better, and are also acting out of fear. So allow them to act, but do not react. This is how you seperate yourself from your ego.

A grudge is also a form of resistance. You are resisting a circumstance by holding a grudge against someone, putting more energy into the resentment and drawing in more of the negative circumstance. So forgive the person you are grudging, and release yourself from the pain of resentment. Forgive them if you yourself would like to be forgiven for the mistakes you will make. We all sin on different levels, so we are never above nor below anyone who sins differently than we do. When you are able to understand these things, and separate yourself from your ego, you will be able to free yourself from the pain of resentment and grudges.

 

Warmest,

Hanaa

 

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